Sometimes we get caught in the thick of thin things. We go down the rabbit hole way deeper than we should, we fret about things we shouldn’t, and we forget that there is a difference between the things that matter and the things that don’t. In our seemingly endless attempt to make things much harder than they need to be, we often forget that we really have just one mission in this life – to live it the best we can. The road to happy destiny is really just a collection of small moments that make you happy in the present and a future without regret.
The Two Truths
Each morning when you wake, you will face two truths. The first truth is that starting today your life today will be one day shorter than it was yesterday. That’s not a statement of morbidity, it’s a statement of mortality. The second truth is that today, just as each day of your life, your destiny will be guided by the decisions you make. These are two of the Great Truths.
The First Decision
Happiness is a state being that is manifest in the domains of mind and spirit. These are internal measures that live in a bed of irony because while the pursuit of happiness is an inside job, it is what we do externally that dictates our results inside.
To live a happy life, the first decision we can make each day is to be “in service” to the world around us. Being in service is a state of play where our external focus creates internal results. Acts of service include things like giving to others without expectation, doing more than is asked of you, and putting the other person’s needs before your own. Being in service is a simple decision you can make each day to both increase your happiness today and reduce your regrets tomorrow.
The Second Decision
Regret lives in a future moment as we reflect on our past. Regret is often underpinned by the statement, “I wish I wouldn’t have”. This statement is a judgement we make of ourselves because we know that we have brought it in ourselves. We and we alone are responsible for not having done or said a thing that we could have and maybe should have, but didn’t.
While no one raises their hand and says, “Can I please get some more regrets in my life?”, having some regrets is inevitable. While there is no silver bullet that allows you to absolutely avoid regret, there is a second simple decision you can make each day to minimize your regrets tomorrow: you can take more risks.
Learning to assess risk is both a survival skill and a life skill, but assessing your own tolerances for risk should never be measured against the actions or inactions of another. Sure, you might look at someone and say, “Oh I would never do that”, or “I wish I could do that”, but you cannot use the actions or decisions of another as the yardstick to measure your own assessments of risk. Risk assessment is an inside job, and as it is with all inside jobs, it’s better to look into the mirror and not through the window.
We avoid taking risks for one reason: we sense failure. Failure and the fear of it is the wall that keeps us from leaning in, expanding, and ultimately enjoying a destiny with minimal regret. Risk and reward are correlated, but not absolutely – in other words, just because you take more risk doesn’t mean you will have more reward. If these ideas seem confusing, all we need to do is turn to the lessons of nature. Nature teaches us that there is a rhythm to all things. After birth comes death, then re-birth. The rains will come, but the sun will inevitably return. And while you may be mired in feelings of anger and resentment in the moment, they will eventually be replaced more feelings of happiness and joy. And so it is with risk and reward. Sure you might be rejected, laughed at, or dumped, but if you stick with a thing long enough, and if you adjust as needed, eventually you will get there.
The Road to Happy Destiny
As M. Scott Peck M.D. wrote in his excellent book, The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.”
It is a great truth that life is difficult. It is also a great truth that each new day also means one less day remains. But each new day also brings with it a kind of re-birth – a chance to make a new decision and to start afresh. Just as the flight attendant tells you to put on your mask before helping someone else, your first responsibility to yourself and those around you to live the best life you can. As you walk the road to your own happy destiny, remember that being in service to others and taking risks are two decisions you can make everyday to help you live a life filled with small moments that make you happy in the present and enjoy a future without regret.
Good luck and have a good week.
Joe Still
2024.03.03
Cite
“Fear is stupid. So are regrets.”
– Marilyn Monroe